I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm always down for nudity.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
