Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
