youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
