At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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