im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
