boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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