hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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