I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
