This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
