let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
