It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
