Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
