well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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