i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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