According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
