Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
