dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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