so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
