4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
