I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
