And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
