I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dick very happy bro
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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