i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
