PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
