sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
