you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
