i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
