it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
