Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
