I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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