I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
