my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
