Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
