I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
