In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
