we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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