I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
