I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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