dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think I am morally bankrupt
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he had hair everywhere except his balls
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
