idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
