Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
