She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
