I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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