It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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