I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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