I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
