Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
