he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
