I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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