tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
BRING THE BAGELS
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
