if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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